I did not write this poem but I made some changes to
it. I think you will like it.
The time that I wasted is my
biggest regret, spent in this place I’ll never forget. Sitting and thinking about
the things that I’ve done, the crying, laughing, hurt, and the fun. Now it’s
just me and my hard driven guilt, behind a wall of emptiness I allowed to be
built. Now the memories of the past flash through my head and the pain is
obvious by the tears that I’ve shed. I ask myself why and where I went wrong,
guess I was weak when I should have been strong. Living for the days and the
wings I had grown, my feelings were lost, afraid to be shown. I pretend to be
rugged, so fast and so cool, when actually I was lost like a blinded ol’ fool.
I’m getting too old for this tiresome game of acting real hard with no since of
shame. Time to change and get on with my life, fulfilling my dreams for a
family and wife. What the future holds, I don’t really know, but the years I
have wasted are starting to show. I’ll have a good chance when I get a new
start with the dreams I hold deep and close to my heart. I know I can make it!
I don’t have to cry, because I have Jesus now and I don’t have to die.
By: Unknown inmate in St. Joseph
Missouri
Psalm 143:1-3
“…for
the enemy has pursued my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground (v.3). He
has made me sit in the darkness like those long dead, therefore my spirit
faints within me; my heart within me is appalled (v.4).” I believe that God has
to let us get to this point in our lives sometimes to actually see how much we
need Him. I guess some are just harder to train than others. I wonder sometimes
if I had grown up in a home that was rooted in Christ would I have seen the
importance of this at an earlier age. I know for sure that I’m going to do my
best to provide my children with the tools Jesus wants us to have at an earlier
age than I got them so they might not have to “sit in the darkness like those
long dead”. I know that nobody would wish a lifetime of misery on their kids or
family! But does our daily selfishness and laziness do anything to prevent our
loved ones from sitting in the darkness? What are we doing for ourselves that
will be a light for those who walk in the darkness? Anything? Can you live with
that? What is your responsibility as a friend, parent, sibling, or child of
God? Are we doing everything we can do for the people we love? I haven’t for
most of my life.
“Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I
have fled to you for refuge. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let
your Spirit lead me on level ground!” (v. 9-10). Like the author of this Psalm,
my soul thirsts for Christ. In the opening verses David says, “hear my prayer,
O Lord, give ear to my pleas for mercy.” Like all of us, David was not perfect.
He was very much human and he suffered just like you and I did. In many of his
prayers I see him ask God for quick help. He is very real with God and human!
Sometimes I have thought that I had to be phony with God like He didn’t know
what was really going on anyway. David teaches me that God wants us to rely on
Him and “keep it real with him”, not be phony. He knows our hearts and the
problems we face! So why can’t we just ask Him for help with the issues we have
instead of being “politically correct” or “spiritually proper”. I talk to Him
just like I talk to anybody and I know that I’ve screwed up and not been a good
role model for my kids and family. I think from here on out I’m going to “keep
it real” and provide for the people I love an example to follow that will lead
to spiritual success rather than spiritual failure! Does that mean I’m going to
be perfect? No! But if God and I are homies, I know I’m headed in the right
direction and for that I’m o.k.!
Prayer: Father
God, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore me to the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.”
Thoughts: “Read, pray,
turn from sin, surround yourselves with people doing the same” and watch this
verse in Acts 16:31 come to pass! It says “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you
and your household will be saved” Amen for that! Angela, Zarria, Nick, Savanah,
Faith, Hunter, and Mia – you know what that means for you? You just as well get
with the program now because if you’re not already with it you’re fighting a
losing battle because I’m with it and you can’t get away! Gotcha
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