Step 11: We sought, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscience contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Colossians 4:2 - "Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart."
My quiet time is very important to me everyday. It give me a chance to hear from God. I learn something every day. Psalm 50: 14-15 says, "Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the most high and call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you and you shall glorify me." I believe that my daily sacrifice is made up of two things: time with God and the actual turning from sin, or just living right. I believe that praying and reading the Bible shows our good faith effort to God, signifying that we are invested in trying to know what God wants for us to do, how He wants for us to act and so forth and so on.
Has anybody ever prayed for God's will? God "show me please what it is I need to do?" or something like that? I have many times and never picked up the Bible long enough to knock the dust off of it. I guess I thought He was going to send me a post card or something. Fact is, His instructions, the Bible, have been sitting on display in the living room in a book shelf or in the closet or on a night stand or in the back seat of the car or in a box in the garage for my whole life. Today my Bible gets used everyday, a lot and I write in it! I am wearing it out! It is one of those cheap paperback bibles that you typically get in jail and it has saved my life. I have so much written in it and circled that I don't ever want to replace it or at least lose it for anything now. It is my history, my salvation, my guide. It is my way of hearing from the Lord. That once boring and plain Bible has today come alive and speaks to me.
I'm not sure why I got on that kick but I guess it's because I want for you all to know that daily prayer and meditation is needed in our lives and so is reading the Bible. They go together to me. I'm lucky that I have been able to come to prison because otherwise I would not have noticed, I don't think, the importance of prayer and meditation; quiet time with God and reading of my Bible. I wouldn't have made it a priority. I would have been too busy to really give it a chance and it has saved my life. I can count on it saving my family's life also like Acts says "believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, you and your household." Angela, Mia, Zarria, Nick, Savanah, Faith, and Hunter, you guys are my life, my family, my household and I love you. I am proud of you and I hope you recognize how important all of this is for all of us. I know this time has been tough but God is doing what He needs for us to live the dreams we've been dreaming for a long time. :)
Prayer: Father, thank you for the opportunity you have given my family to receive you. Thank you for the opportunity you've given us to come together in the way that pleases you! I pray, Lord, that we all see the good that prayer and meditation and sacrifice will bring in our lives and that we use them daily to help us turn from sin and glorify you. Thank you Jesus for all you've done for me and my household. Amen
Random Thought: When I got started on this journal it began slowly creeping in on me with prayer only. Shortly after, scripture started speaking to me and I craved more of it. It was satisfying to me. Maybe it's all I had, I don't know, but if that's what it takes for everyone to get what I have today, maybe you should find your local county jail and ask them if you could stay for a few months just to give you the opportunity to get alone with God lol. I don't know how else to tell you, but that's what it took for me. I had to find that "secret place" to get alone with God and He needed for me to get to the spot that I had to rely on Him and only Him for me to notice all that I have. Why is it we save the best for last? I told my cellie the other day that this trip to jail had saved my life. It also made some very special things in my life hard, but my life and the people's live's that I truly love will surely benefit from all of this. No matter what happens, I believe that I am on the right track finally.
I have a praise to announce, a personal testimony. One year ago, I was living my life very selfishly and not many days went by that I wan't engulfed in addiction and sin. I went to North Dakota to get away and work, to do something right with my life and just like always it didn't last long. I came home and shortly went back with high hopes for my girlfriend and I to get away from dope and all that it brings in life. We were doing well and were happy together when I was arrested. Since I've been arrested I've went through a change in my life like I've never experienced. I felt lonely like I have never felt before. The loneliness in my life, no work, dope, girlfriend, people, or anything at all to bring relief to my loneliness, I got to a spot where I had to rely on God and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In an effort to save all I had in this world that was important to me, which was Angela, Mia, Zarria, Nick, Savanah, Faith and Hunter I figured out a way to love them and be close to them the only way I could, through this blog my daughter has set up. In doing so, I have sparked so many new ideas that I believe are from God. I believe that all this in my life has caused an accountability in my life to people that I both know and don't know that will help me to continue pursuing the things of God and His will for my life. When I got started on all this, I just wanted to save my relationships with the people I love and God has turned it in to so much more. More than I'm sure I'm even aware of.
Today I have thoughts and desires to pursue for the rest of my life the works of the Lord. I'm checking into new ideas such as halfway houses and construction company's. Things that I have ability and knowledge of to help people like me get back on their feet. I want to tell all people my story and what God has done in my life in just a few months. There has been so much good come out of all this calamity in my life I have to notice and give credit where credit is due! "Thanks man for making your power perfect in my weakness." All this has caused for the first time in my life, I believe, the opportunity for me to be the man God has called me to be. Today I have no desire to live a life of a sinner or an addict but one of a "Jesus Freak" a "Husband" and a "Father"! Thank you for that opportunity.
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