"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin that dwells in me" (Romans 7:18-20 ESV). Another version I like says "and I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway."
Have you ever been at this point in your life? I have many times. In the last 12 years or so I have been here many, many times. It sucks to continue to do the things in your life that you know you really don't want to do but you just can't quit doing them. It's hopelessness. It's when we are finally are able to (step 1) admit that we are powerless over our dependencies, that we see our lives have become unmanageable. I know that in step 1 of A.A. or N.A., two organizations that have been around for a long time, have done a lot of good for people, even though I am not very fond of them. I probably don't like them because I have been to 13 treatment centers in my life and those 12 steps have been forced down my throat till I'm sick of them. However, how these programs function today and my opinion of them and the overall spirit they bring about for me is not important right now. What is important is that the 12 steps were designed to help people deal with all kinds of issues in their lives and overall are a good guide for living life and staying in tune with God's will for our lives. I just prefer to put the real words back in them: the thee's and thou art's, the words Jesus, Lord, and Savior. Do you know what I mean?
Bill Wilson, an alcoholic, was one of the first men in the history of "man" that I know of to figure out and document what it meant and how to align yourself with the word of God. He just took the scary words out of it to fool those people into believing the "truth" that wouldn't have given it a chance if they knew God had anything to do with it. He tricked a lot of people into a "spiritual relationship with a higher power". I know where he got his "spiritual awakening from" and I've always thought it's better just to go to the source! I've always said that in A.A. you will find a lot of sick people looking for answers from somewhere and in church you have a lot of sick people looking for answers from God.
Someone very special told me the other day that they just felt hopeless in their life today and like they just wanted to give up. She said she had no drive to or desire to continue. She knew she was not living exactly along the lines she should but because of her spiritual bankruptedness she didn't know what to do. If any one has ever felt this way because of anything at all, walk with me the next 12 days and we will bring those 12 steps to life as they should be and essentially we will start a "renewing of the mind", a "spiritual awakening", an opportunity to be "born again". We will obtain access by faith into grace given by the glory of God. That is what we will learn about. The choice is ours to do with the information what we want. I've been given the chance several times and made some half-hearted attempts to "get right" but I think I always had conditions and didn't want to give it all up to God. I'm a control freak and I think I was afraid of not being in control. But that's what this is all about. It's about giving it all to God or having faith that He's driving the car and all you have to do is sit back and ride "shotgun".
Prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom, power, and glory. God create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit within me, cast me not away from your presence and take not your holy spirit from me. Restore me to the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit. Amen.
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