Journal 2-10-14

Isaiah 40:29-31  Matthew 11:28-30

     Well this morning I'm struggling to write and that being the case I do what I always do and flip through the pages looking for something I've circled or highlighted in my Bible. Usually when I have a hard time finding something to write about, which is not very often the case, it means I don't have much worry or stress in my life at the moment. It seems that when I'm trippin about something, God speaks to me and I seem to have more passion on that day of journaling. You may not know it but usually the lesson I write is always for me and I have chosen it because it is something I'm dealing with or an area of my life I'm growing in.
     So I came across these two verses randomly. I have a couple of sheets of paper that have these two verses back to back and the pages are filled with nothing but verses that have spoken to me or been special.
     "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest..."- in Matthew and in Isaiah "He gives strength to the weak...they shall run and not be weary..."
     These two verses have given me a leg to stand on and have spoken words of encouragement on a few occasions. Looking back on my life, especially the last 12 years, I have been what dope fiends call "on one". They have been some of the worst and best times of my life. Doing well sometimes, just surviving the others, and not doing at all on some other occasions. I wish I could change a lot but I know that my experiences have gotten me where I am today so I don't really have many regrets.
     During the last 12 years of my life, there have been periods where I was so sick of the sin in my life that I couldn't stand myself. The tricky thing about addiction is when you get so low and so exhausted with life the only thing that can quickly bring you back up is the one thing that got you to the place you are already. You know that when you inject that chemical into your body all your troubles will go away but in 6 or 8 hours when it has run its course you will wind up in a lower spot than you started 6 or 8 hours ago. I believe there are chronic stages of addiction, because it surely doesn't start that way but it definitely turns out that way.
     So why have I said all this? Because I know somewhere there is someone who is sick of their life just like I was a year ago at times. I know they are lonely and sick to their stomach about what is going on in their life. Maybe it's dope, sex, alcohol, whatever. God can pull you out of it. He will give us rest. For me, I had to come to jail to remain consistent in prayer and Bible reading to hear Him and maybe give that crap enough time to stop coursing through my veins so that He would hear me! Sometimes we have to feel pain to let ourselves become rescue-able - it says in 2 Corinthians 12 "for my power is made perfect in weakness." How many times I've lad in bed crying and miserable with the consequences of my life, sick because I missed my kids or my life was falling apart or my relationship with friends, family, and significant others have been on the rocks. Because I knew that I wasn't living right and I was capable of so much more! Can anybody relate?
     I'm here to tell you that God doesn't always answer our cries instantly and that sucks sometimes, but if you find someway to be faithful to Him in daily Bible reading, prayer, turning from sin, and surrounding yourself with people doing the same that slowly God will begin to show His amazing grace in your life! We just have to get to a spot in our lives sometimes to be still, be teachable, and listen to Him. Sometimes, at least for me, that takes a while. I didn't know it for a long time, but for 12 years God has been following behind me waiting for me to turn to Him and receive His gift. Does that make sense? I guess for years I have not turned to Him because of pride or selfishness and have been living in denial, not even realizing my faults. The one thing I want everyone to realize is that for years I thought my denial, my pride, my selfishness, my addiction, and my sin would only hurt me and have consequences on me but the cold hard truth is that it has scared and caused pain in the lives of the people I love the most, the ones I would never hurt on purpose in a million years. If someone asked me, Cody in order to get high and take away the pain in your life would you inflict pain on your loved ones, your kids, and the woman you want to marry or are married to? I would have said hell no and left it alone! But they didn't ask and I wounded the people in my life that I was put here to protect!

Prayer: Heavenly Father, forgive me for my sinful ways and please have favor and mercy on the people I've hurt who are innocent and love me. Father God, please give all the people who lay in their lay in their lows and are struggling with the sin in their life eyes to see, ears to hear Isaiah 40:29-31 and Mathew 11:28-30. Father God, your will be done in our lives. Amen

Random thought: I could go on and on with stories like these and relate to my life verses in the Bible that just make sense to me and teach me. My goal is that my life stories and experiences will through the people reading this inspire you to pass this site, this journal, this message on to someone somewhere just like me who hasn't been able to turn around and see what God has for them. "Pay it forward" if you will. Help me out! Let's do this together!

Prayer Requests:

• Melissa in Pennsylvania still needs prayer for her kids and their present separation due to neglect on her husbands part. We should pray that court proceedings go well and she is reunited with her Children. God's will. 
• Markie Dawne- pray for her new childbirth that it goes well. She lives in North Dakota and should be expecting in a couple of months. 
• Pray that God continues to use me through these daily posts with inmates here with me. More and more people are coming to me everyday asking to read what the post is for the day. Thanks everybody who made it possible and "Pay it Forward"
• Pray for mom's, dad's, and families who suffer from addiction and brokenness in their lives. Pray that somehow someway they find Jesus and turn from the sin in their lives.