Journal 6-2-14

              Good morning brothers. How are you? I am fine. I have been out of prison now for exactly one month. It seems longer. It’s been a busy month. I’ve had some highs and some lows. I’ll go ahead and tell you that writing to you every day just seems too much and looks to become a failure. I think that I will shorten it up a bit and write to you once a week letting you know what is going on and so forth and so on. Lately I have been feeling guilty for falling behind on my writing. It is just too much for me to do right now. I think about you guys daily and wish that there were more that I could do for you. If you all will send me your prayer requests and let me know what is going on in your life I will try to help if I can.
              When my writing first started it was designed to reach my children. Through the process of it all it changed directions and I’ve noticed that it is leaning more towards prisoners and their families. My goal is to be your brother in Christ, your friend, and maybe offer you some support while you are locked up and when you get out. If there is anything I can do for you to help you while you are incarcerated please let me know. Prep for release, phone calls, whatever, I’ll try to help. Between my daughter and I, I’m sure we can find a way to meet or aid in the need that you have.
              Well, I still don’t have a driver’s license but I am working and I went to church for the first time yesterday since I have been released. It was good and I needed that service to be refilled. I thought of you guys yesterday while in Church. By the way, church is much better in prison! As far as church goes, you guys should seize every opportunity to fill your spirit with good things because the temptations of the world will slap you in the face when you get out.
              I recognized yesterday what I already knew – I am not perfect. I am a sinner. I make mistakes and I need help to be the man God wants me to be. By instinct I want to take over and run the show, make things happen, and “git-r-done”. God wants me to trust in Him, rely on Him, be patient, obedient, and let Him lead while I follow. All of that is out of character for me so it takes some doing. Every so often I have to step back, take a deep breath, and pull on the reins, “let go and let God”. I’ve read a few scriptures this morning in Isaiah that make perfect sense to me. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 42:16 says, “And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know in paths that they have not known. I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them to light, the rough places to level ground, these are the things I do and I do not forsake them.”
Today these are refreshing words for me to hear. My will has always failed me. I am learning today that God is always there for me and He has the power to lead me out of the pit I have created for myself. I must continue to read, pray, turn from sin, and surround myself with people doing the same. Love you guys. God Bless.

Prayer

Father God, let us not forget who you are, why we are here, and what it is you would have us do. Forgive us for our shortcomings Lord and thank you for your grace. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 
It is not always easy to do the right thing. It’s hard! Satan wants to get us off track and slowly deceive us, to trick us. We must remember to support each other in times of need and study through prayer and reading what it is that God has for us. That is the only way I know to be successful in this world we live in.

Journal 5-27-14

          I’ll have to admit that I have been slacking on my writing. When I left prison I was writing every day. I had a surplus of writings written down in case something like this happened and so we will use those. I am finding myself very busy and my mind is always occupied with the things that I have going on in my life. I don’t guess that is any excuse not to write you guys and let you know that I am praying for all of you and think of you daily.
          Today I will see my P.O. for the last time on weekly visits and then I will be required to go every 2 weeks for some time. I am working now and somehow someway God is providing for my transportation to and fro. My kids and I are visiting every other week and all my needs are taken care of. I still don’t have a vehicle or driver’s license, my child support is through the roof, and I still have many hurdles to cross. I don’t feel as close to God as I did but I know that is because I don’t have all day to think as I did in prison.
          In the last couple of weeks I have noticed that being a father and a friend are the most amazing opportunities for a man to embrace. I am living with some friends of mine from south Missouri and have been given the opportunity to share with them my experiences. They are good people with problems and hurdles to cross as well. God has planted them in my life for a reason. I hope we can rub off on each other. I couldn’t do this without them. I hope that I will be able to do something for them as well. I know many of you have sent mail and it motivates me to stay right with God and do the right thing. You see, I need you as much as you need me. We need each other. We are family. That’s what God wanted of His followers, to be family. Friends, family, fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, we all have a place in God’s kingdom. We fit into His plan somewhere, somehow. We must stay close to Him in order to stay close to our family. By design we help each other when the world throws us a curveball and we are there for our family when the world gets them down as well. We support each other, pray for each other, and love one another.

Prayer

Thank you Jesus for family, friends, and the church. Help us to stay on task and listen to the call that you have on our life so that we can know what step to take next in our life and where to put our foot. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:
He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is no occasion of stumbling in him (1 John 2:10).

Journal 5-15-14

          One more day the sun has risen. I have waked from my sleep. The sun will rise. The day will progress and I will press on. I have been thinking a lot about you guys in prison, what is going on and what your days are like. I began to make friends with each of you, some better and closer than others, but none the less, I still pray for all of you and wonder what your day is like. I’m here to tell you that it is good to feel freedom but life is still here. I have been released from prison and as bad as I wanted for someone to press reset on my life it did not happen that way. The consequences of my actions years ago still haunt me. I wonder sometimes how long I will be punished for my sins by the world. Sometimes it is hard to keep it all in perspective. Fact is I sinned, made poor choices, made my bed and I shall lay in it. My choices years ago may haunt me for the rest of my life. So what is the answer? What should I do? Many times in the past I have said “screw it” and just lived for the moment, seizing all that I could while I had the chance. While that was immediately rewarding the long term looks like a pile of crap. I have some big hurdles to cross. I fight every day with wanting to run, hide, and live the way Cody has always lived. The best word I can come up with to describe me is selfish. Selfishness is sin and sin is wrong. So, back to what should I do? I guess the answer is not sin, no matter what. For a guy like me sometimes that is hard, very hard. The only way I can conceivably work that out in my life so that these consequences begin to go away is to stay close to God, continue doing His work, and drawing close to Him.
          Why am I telling all of you this? Because I need your prayer. I need your friendship. It is very obvious that even though I am not in prison and you all are, we need each other. That is the way God designed it – for us to rely on our brothers and sisters to help us through the rough times. Pray for one another, encourage one another, and push each other toward the mark closer each day. Lamentations 3:39-40 says, “Why should a living man complain, a man, about the punishment of his sins? Let us test and examine our ways and return to the Lord.” So I encourage each of you to also press on with me and let us encourage each other. 1 Thessalonians 3:12 says, “and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another, and for all so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and father at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints.”

Prayer

Father God, thank you for my friends. Create in us a clean heart. Renew a right spirit within us. Cast us not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from us. Restore us to the joy of your salvation and uphold us with a willing spirit. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 
Do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of us His prisoners, but share in suffering for the Gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling not because of our works but because of His own purpose and grace which He gave us in Jesus Christ before the ages began.

Journal 5-14-14

          I am not a very patient person, especially when I first step out of prison. I feel like I have to hit the ground running and make up for lost time. I always want to conquer the world in a day. Every day I sit and think about what is important to me, such as my faith and growth in the Spirit, my ministry, my work, my family, my relationships, also getting out of debt, and providing myself with a vehicle and a place for my kids and I to live. When I think of the last 42 years of my life and those opportunities that I have squandered, I am disgusted. Dope, poor choices, and no spiritual direction (sin) have caused these circumstances in my life.  God has given us clear instruction in His word as to how to live, choose, pray, and survive in this world. 1 Peter 2:15-24 says, “For this is the will of God that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover up for evil, but living as servants to God. Honor everyone, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the emperor…  When mindful of God one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly, for what credit is it if when you sin you are beaten for it and you endure.  But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is good in the sight of God… For once I was straying like a sheep and now I have returned to the Sheppard, the overseer of my soul.” 

          I’m sure there is a lesson on patience in there somewhere and instruction on how to live. It’s apparent to me that I have not been living properly and following the directions that God left for me so many years ago. No wonder my life has turned into a big mess. God said “whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good, let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are open to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil” (1 Peter 3:10-12). 

Prayer

Father God, I am a sinner and I have not lived my life the way you have instructed. Please forgive me and help me to live a life that will be pleasing to you!

Thoughts: 

Every day is a new struggle for me or a familiar one lol But every day that I pick up my Bible, pray, and turn from sin I notice God working on me! I guess I need to be patient for Him to do His thing. Slow down Leach. Let go and let God. I have to keep reminding myself of that! Love you guys and keep your head up! 

Journal 5-13-14

          What would you say if I told you that God is waiting to be good to us? “And therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you and therefore He lifts Himself up that He may have mercy on you and show loving kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are those who wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him” (Isaiah 30:18).
          The one thing in my life I have dealt with many times is fear of being lonely, fear of rejection, and fear of loss. Fear of nothingness.  The way Satan gets me flustered the most today is financial burden, legal burden, and doubt. I just want to be free.  I want to be loved. I want to be able to show that love to Angela, Mia, Zarria, Nick, Savanah, Faith, Hunter, and my friends. “I need a reset button God.”
          Perhaps you are lacking the natural love that every person desires and seeks. Perhaps your family has jumped out of the car with you. I believe God wants us to know that His love for us is unfailing. He wants us to recognize that He wants to adopt us into the family of God. He wants us to know that in Him and only Him there is comfort.  John 14: 18 says, “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come (back) to you.” Psalm 27:10 says, “Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up.”
          Many years ago Paul prayed for guys like me and people like us. He said in Ephesians 3 “may Christ through our faith dwell in our hearts. May we be rooted deep in love, that we may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp what is the breadth and length and heighth and depth of that love, to know the love of Christ, which far surpasses knowledge, and we might be filled with the fullness of God.”  I’m pretty sure God wants us to have the love He offers so that we might deal with the things we face more effectively. The things like I deal with daily and what you deal with as well. These things are different for everyone. What they are does not matter. What does matter is that we recognize that God is waiting on us to give it to Him so He can fill us with warmth, love, and all the things that we think on when we are dreaming about the “good life”.

Prayer

Father God, thank you. Forgive us of all our iniquities, heal us of all our afflictions and diseases, redeem us from the pit of corruption, beautify us, dignify us, and crown us with loving kindness and tender mercy. Show us Lord what we need to do to receive you Father. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 
What do we need to do in our lives to receive what God has for us so He is no longer waiting?

Journal 5-12-14

          Well, everybody knows that I was locked up for 7 months. I’m out of prison now and free to go my own way. As I think back on my days in prison, I remember how it all started. Me in St. Joseph Missouri looking for something to make me feel whole, a reason to live. I was lost and I did not like that feeling. I quickly got into a routine of mental and physical exercise. Slowly I noticed God beginning to change my heart. I was completely obedient to Him in those 7 months. I woke up every day and spent time with the Lord. I never spent so much time with Him before and never felt so close to Him. That is important for me. It is important for all of us. I wonder how much time the mighty men of the Bible spent with the Lord? Was Satan able to slip in there and bully them around? This is what I notice in my own life today. Satan just slips in and starts calling the shots on occasion. The true test of our character is, in my eyes, defined by what we do, what we think, when no one is looking. Satan has always dropped thoughts into my head when no one was looking to try and trick me and show me that I am truly week. I would encourage everyone to take time, as much time as necessary, to spend with the Lord because Satan is waiting. He knows our weaknesses and he also has a plan for our life. Destruction. Believe me. If you are like me and for 42 years have not listened to God, sometimes it can be hard to hear Him when you are confronted with many distractions. I love you guys.  I am praying for you guys and I think it is time to take it up a notch. “Next Level” – In this life we get out of it exactly what we put in to it. I love the way God makes me feel. I hate the way sin makes me feel. What am I going to feed – the sin in my life or the spiritual man in my life? I think, although I fall short daily, I know the answer to that! Kick rocks Satan, you lose! 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, please help me to stay the course. Be faithful to you always, even when no one is looking. Forgive me for my sins. I pray Lord for my friends in prison. Help them to stay the course Lord and be faithful to you always. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ He is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Romans 6:14 says “For sin shall not have dominion over you; for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” 

Journal 5-11-14

~ Sorry I have not posted journals in a while! I have been sending them to inmates every week, but fell behind on posting them to the blog. Hope you enjoy reading today's journal! I still receive letters from inmates telling me how much they enjoy reading them, how inspirational they are to them, and how it encourages them to follow Christ. I will post sections of letters I have received for you all to read. ~

          Sometimes when I pick up my pen in the morning I have no idea what I’m going to write about. Yesterday started off great and quickly went to crap. I didn’t get the job that I thought I was going to get – Rejection. I have dealt with rejection my whole life and as a child I learned to deal with it many different ways. Basically anything that would take my mind off the rejection is what I used to make it through the uncomfortable situation. The devil knows this about me. Instantly yesterday I slipped into some old thought patterns or defense mechanisms. I wanted to run, hide, and take that feeling away. Oh me of little faith. “Sorry Lord, please forgive me.”
          As a child I dealt with rejection from my mother and father, then from some classmates early in grade school, then my grades sucked in high school, then rejection came in the form of my wife and loss of my family. I have used work, drugs, sex, hunting, fishing, alcohol, change, and people to hide the fact that I have been scared, lonely and not very confident in my life. Satan knows this about me and he knows what will get me running so that I will stumble. He can trigger a reaction in me so fast; faster than I can recognize. I really have a lot to learn. Thank God that I am able to write. This is like my confession, my admission to weakness, me holding myself accountable. I need lots of prayer and meditation. I am really weak and impressionable when it comes to those things. Fear is what causes me to sin. I understand now why it says in the Bible to “meditate day and night on these things”. God is supposed to be our strength. He is the only thing that will not fail us. Psalm 107:20 says, “He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their distress.” God’s word is our security, our promise, our road map. Joshua 1:8 says, “The book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous and then you shall deal wisely and have good success.” Deuteronomy 30:14 says, “But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth, and in your heart, so that you can do it.” Isaiah 55:11 says, “So shall my word be that goes forth out of my mouth: it shall not return to me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”

Prayer

Father God, forgive me for my weaknesses and shortcomings. Help me in the day of trouble and remind me that I have nothing to fear. You are my rock, Lord. You are my salvation. You are my only hope. In you I trust Father. Thank you for loving me Father. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 
While reading God’s word, if I confess over myself what God says about me, God goes to work on my heart, and in my life. He fixes the brokenness, fear, and rejection that I deal with. I must read this to you: Deuteronomy 30: 15-20 “see I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I commend you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in His ways, and by keeping His commandments and His statutes and His rules, then you shall live and multiply and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to take possession of it. But if your heart turns away you will not hear but are drawn away to worship other Gods and serve them. I declare to you today that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess. I call heaven and earth to witness against you today. That I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live. Loving the Lord your God, obeying His voice and holding fast to Him, for He is your life and length of days that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob to give them.” God spoke this for me, for us, to meditate on! What do you think?