- Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
- Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick: who can understand it.
- John 3:3 – Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.
How
important is it to be a man of God today? Is that a big responsibility? I’m
reading in my bible this morning and I’m thinking of my children and my
childhood and relationships in my life and my purpose. I wonder does God reveal
my purpose differently to me than he does to others? I am creeping up on just 6
months of being locked up and for most of that time I’ve been on fire to fix my
heart, my soul, to find out what my problems are so I can free my feelings of
being bound and suppressed. Now that there has been some relief and revelation
in my life, I am focused on still moving forward and helping everyone else in
this world that needs me! Mr. Fix it.
When
I was a little boy, all I wanted was to be loved by my mommy and daddy the way
my Uncle Gary and Aunt Ann loved their kids Heidi and Holli and my Aunt Brenda
and Uncle Danny loved their kids. Has anybody ever wanted to have something
that for whatever the reason just wasn’t in the cards for them, something
normal like a Christian, loving family? You know the ones with all the bells
and whistles. Both parents happy, vacations, church, laughter, chores, and the
everyday nourishing that some families have. The parents that seemed like they
were the poster child for a happy Christian lifestyle, successful in all that
they do. I wanted just that as a kid, as a very young kid, like 5-15. Wonder
what made me have a desire for that? And why? I didn’t know any different than
what I had really.
I have a cathedral of pictures set out
on my desk and this morning I am in prayer for Angela, Zarria, Nick, Savanah,
Faith, Hunter, and Mia. I wonder if you have hurt in your life the way that I
have in my life. Have you felt lost also and denied what is rightfully yours
and what should be given to you because we all start out innocent? Have I taken
from you in the same way people took from me as a kid and young adult? Have I
scared you? Are you secure in yourself and my love for you? Is there something
I can do better? Zarria, I understand the feelings that you have, because I had
them too. Angela, I understand the feelings and fears you have you’re your relationships
also. Savanah, I had the same love for my daddy as you had for yours and he
wasn’t there for me much either. Faith and Mia, you guys are so much alike and
absolutely melt my heart! I miss you both. Hunter, I am sorry son. I love you!
Guys,
I don’t know the answers for everything but I know there is healing power in the
Christian lifestyle through our Lord and Savior. I am confident that through
the pursuit of His will for our lives we will all be able to mend the
brokenness we have suffered together and through Him we can all come closer
together and learn how to appeal our needs more efficiently. Hopefully, through
some type of redemption we can be a light and testimony for His sake to others
so they don’t have to suffer loss as long as we have. I owe all of you an
apology for my irresponsibility’s as a man, a father, and a leader. I just
didn’t know! I see things beginning to change for our family and I just hope
and pray that you all can see that as well and help me to be the Father and the
leader of this family I was called to be.
Prayer: Father
God, some of us walk around lost and have no idea what we do to the people who
we love and who love us. Please help us to all get on the same page and fight
the same battles for your cause and not ours.
Random thought: I’ve
reached this point in my life because I’ve had enough pain, lies, and
destruction that have been spawned from a life of sin. Sometimes I’ve wondered
“would I ever get here?” I want to share the things I’ve learned with everyone,
although I know not all will listen. Peter says in 1 Peter 4:3-4, you have had
enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy – immorality,
lust, feasting, drunkenness, parties. He says your former friends will be
surprised when you change and they will slander you! Jesus said: you can enter
the kingdom through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad and the gate
is wide but the way to life is narrow and the road is difficult, and few ever
find it. The message we try to pass on to others won’t be received by everybody
but for those of us who do listen, our stories and travels can be one of life
or death.
I
feel responsible today to help people and win souls to Christ and am pursuing
some options that will help me to do that! I have some great news to share and as
I am nervous about it I am also excited about it. I’ve spoken of opening a
halfway house and creating a yard service or small construction business to
operate out of the house for people to get back on their feet. Well, God is
good and He has found a way to donate 100,000 dollars to the cause to get
started on this project. Thank you Jesus! I’m not even out of prison yet and
He’s already started on this for me, for us, and whoever will walk with me on
the narrow road.
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