Saturday, February 1, 2014

Journal 1-15-14

I think I'm going to start journaling everyday after or during Bible study to keep track of what I'm doing, what my thoughts are, and where my head is! For the past week or so God has had me working anxiously on a statement of my life, a devotion for my kids and fathers and people who know me! I've found I enjoy writing my thoughts down especially for my kids to read, if they will because I want them to see that people have problems good days and bad. I believe that when I get out I will email all of them daily my thoughts on my life and what God is doing in my life today. I hope to create a bond and accountability between us that way. Hope to build an opportunity for us to be together, even when we can't be together! It's the only way God has revealed to me that we can spend time together. It's my effort in being a father when the cards are not falling on the table appropriately. I think I'm going to have Zarria open an email account for me and send daily a list of my journaling to my kids and my friends and my family etc.
      Today I woke up sore late and got a rough start because I have been exercising a lot. My mind is on Angela and my children. I have been locked up since before Halloween and received 2 letters one from Zarria and one from Angela. Angela's letter gives me encouragement about our situation presently and smells good too! I thought of "my buddy" yesterday as it was her birthday and I miss her terribly. She doesn't know it but I pray for her daily. In writing this page I notice that for 10 years I could have been doing this very thing and sending it to my children, developing a relationship with them. Instead I've hidden from them like a coward and not invested in their lives like I should have! Please forgive me!
     Even if I'm in prison and my kids are not all together we can still spend time together in the Lord! Right now I'm financing all this on the poker table..lol.. so pray I win. Postage, paper, and ink pens are expensive when you are broke. I'm going to try and send someone 5 days at a time to post on the email account Zarria opens for us.
     Today out of something I copied down out of the FCA Bible I studied Mark 6:14-29; Ephesians 5:1-21. Found it under choices and avoiding trouble. It talked about in Mark the death of John the Baptist and to be honest I'm still not sure what his death or the story has to do with choices or avoiding trouble. Although he was in jail at the time of his beheading! lol me too...but maybe one of you guys can pick up on something and enlighten me! Now the chapter in Ephesians 5:1-21 talks about walking in love and I can definitely relate to it and it scares me a bit. I'm kind of glad I'm in prison right now actually. In reading the chapter it gives direction on how to be Christ-like and walk in favor of the Lord, how to act if you are a new creation, a Christian's behavior if you will. Now at this point your dear old dad falls short everyday but that's why I'm telling all of you so you can help to push me in that direction. Really following God so that we are always pleasing to Him, for a new Christian like myself, it is going to be tough and uncomfortable. The first thing that comes to mind is I'm 42 and it clearly says until Angela and I are married we should not be sexually immoral. Now after being incarcerated a year when I get out that's going to be tough. But I don't want to intentionally give Satan the upper hand and invite him back into my life. So you guys be praying for Angela and I so that we can overcome this problem!

Prayer: Heavenly Father please help Angela and I, Zarria and Nick, Savanah, Faith, Hunter, and Mia know what it is today, to walk in love, to be soldiers for you, let us remind ourselves daily that like it was written in Ephesians 5 we should try and walk out our lives for your cause, however uncomfortable that may be. In Jesus name, Amen.

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