Journal 5-5-14

Job 5:9-13 – “As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause, who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number. He gives rain on earth and sends waters on the fields; He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety. He frustrates the devices of the crafty, so that their hands achieve no success. He catches the wise in their own craftiness and the schemes of the wise are brought to a quick end.”

       I have only really been following God for a few months now. Today is Monday and I was released from prison on Friday. This morning I am busy taking care of business that needs to be taken care of. I just needed to give a little bit of thanks to the Father. He is really taking care of me. So far all of my prayers are being answered. I have a parole plan, a home to live in, money in my pocket, transportation, and food. I have a room to myself with a t.v., a cd player, and a queen sized bed to sleep on. I have been given more than enough clothing and boots to get me by for a bit.  I have my kids close and good friends to share my afternoon with. I should have a phone tomorrow. There are phone calls being made about work and it looks like everything is going to be ok. God is good man. He has provided all these things for me to use so I can get my life back on track and serve Him.
       There is a Psalm I like to read often. It is Psalm 50:14-15, “Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vow to the most high, and call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you and you shall glorify me.” My sacrifices, little as they may have been, are pleasing to God and I feel as if He is changing me. I have called upon His name in my day of trouble and thus far He is being faithful to provide me with those things that I need to be sustained so I needed to give Him credit for everything in my life today. He is an amazing God. Every day that I grow closer to Him the more He shows His fullness to me. I don’t have anything that is mine except my prison I.D. but He’s set me up to not have to worry about anything. Man that is a good feeling. I love you guys, miss you guys, and hope that you can also find the peace in the Lord that I am experiencing today – And so I pray:

Prayer

Psalm 51:10-12 “Create in us a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within us. Cast us not away from your presence, and take not your holy spirit from us. Restore us to the joy of your salvation and uphold us with a willing spirit.”

Thoughts: 
If God can take a dope feign like me and change my heart the way He has in the last few months, He can do it for you too. Read, pray, turn from sin, and surround yourselves with people doing the same. Love you man.

Journal 5-4-14

PROVERBS 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

       In prison there is always something planned for us to do, a place for us to go. They usually have our days mapped out for us. As I have almost spent my first weekend in freedom I find myself fighting with “doing something”. I have always been a doer, a guy who made things happen. I don’t know much about waiting on God and His provision. I am struggling with that this morning. I realize I don’t know how to wait on the Lord. I find it much easier to wait on the Lord while in prison where you have nothing to do but wait.

LUKE 12:32 – Fear not, little flock; for it is your fathers good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

       I am praying this morning that God will help me to remember that He will make a way for me. For the first time in my life I don’t have to push it. I have the good pleasure to “cast all my cares upon Him” (1 Peter 5:7). Psalm 32:8 says, “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will guide thee with thine eye.” I have never relied on God, never put Him first and my life is proof of that. It’s good to read in His word that He will guide me. I have done much preparation while in prison for this and still my instincts have kicked in and I automatically want to take over and run the show. I guess some habits are hard to break.

Prayer

Father God, thank you for reminding me that I am your child and you will make a way for me. I am sorry for ever doubting you. I love you! Please forgive me for my sins and my weak faith. Please help me to continue building my faith, following your lead and honoring you in all that I do. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:
Joshua 1:8 – “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” – Even when they let us out of prison.

Journal 5-3-14

       I haven’t had much to complain about this morning. I’ve been with my children for two days now. It has been the greatest feeling ever. I watch them laugh, run, and play and I wonder what I’ve been doing for the past 10 or 12 years of my life. I feel like I have been a prisoner to my own poor choices dragging them into the pit with me. Psalm 107:10-11 says, “some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in afflictions and irons, for they had rebelled against  the words of God and spurned the counsel of the most high.” Verse 12 says, “so he bowed down their hearts with hard labor; they fell down with none to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death.”  (v. 12-14).
       This verse really hits home with me and probably some others as well. Let me explain. When I was married, my family was very important to me. They were my security. When I got divorced or separated, I lost that comfort. Looking back on it, I probably used them as a “God” or security blanket instead of the Lord. Anyway, for years I had never relied on God. I had never put Him first in my life. Everything always came before Him, including my family, work, and extra-curricular activities. At the point in my life where I lost my security, my family, I had no one. I was alone and it was then I felt myself sitting in the darkness, a prisoner to my poor choices.
       For many years now I had rebelled against the Lord. So what did He do? He made things tough on me (v. 12). He got me alone in my jail cell and whooped me good! I then cried out to Him in my trouble, my pain, my loneliness, and my addiction (v. 13).  What did He do? He brought me out of the darkness I was in. He saved me from myself, from the loneliness and insecurity I had created by not listening to Him in the first place. I was a fool because of my sinful ways, I suffered. The Lord delivered me from the destruction I had created. For several years I have done things on my own. I have not listened to the call God had on my life. It shows! I have been out of prison for one day now. A whole 24 hours. I’m 42 and have nothing but memories. I’ve been trying to do it on my own for several years and it just isn’t working. Seven months ago I gave it all to God and He has really opened my eyes and is daily helping me to see the things that are important to Him and helping me to let go of the things that are important to me.

Prayer

Father God, help me to remain faithful to you and be able to discern those things which are healthy for me from that which is not.

Thoughts: 
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law! I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me. I cling to your testimonies, Lord; let me not be put to shame.

Journal 5-2-14

COLOSSIANS 5:23 – Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men.
EPHESIANS 5:1-18; PHILIPPIANS 1:27

“Fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true!” As we go through each day as Christians, as new creations in Christ, we should dedicate ourselves to Him in everything we do. School, athletics, work, and many other things in our lives should display God’s integrity and our dedication and diligence. Someone should look at us and be able to tell that we are Christians and take His work seriously.
If it’s wrong, don’t do it! If we do, we bust our example and lose our ground to be able to minister to people who are watching and there are people watching. They want some of that fruit of light that is hanging from your tree! Fruit, Savanah, being character and the way you carry yourself, not actually oranges! Lol Zarria, have Nick explain it to her. Blondie!

Prayer

Lord, show me things that I’ve said or done that should be done differently moving forward.

Thoughts:
If we do everything as we are doing it for God it will be done to the best of our abilities not holding back and we will continue to learn everyday what things God wants us to do.

Journal 5-1-14

PROVERBS 14: 12 – There is a way that seems right to man, but its end is the way to death.
JOSHUA 1:7-9; 2 CORINTHIANS 10:13; EPHESIANS 6:10-13 
     
       I should probably read these verses every day of my life. By the way Savanah, it doesn’t do any good if you don’t actually read all the verses! Lol :) My whole life I’ve been doing what I thought was right and some of those things were right and not looked upon by God as evil I’m sure. However, the fact is, I’ve only done what I thought was right and not paid much attention to what God really wanted. I see today that in order for me to be obedient to what God wants, I have to read and study his word every day, pray every day, turn from sin every, and surround myself with people doing the same ever day so He will hear my prayers and speak to me. You can’t take my word for it, or your mothers, or your friends all the time because people are different. God has different ideas for some than others and everyone is their own person. You have to be individually responsible for what God tells you to do and for what you learn from God’s word. Does that make sense? And if you don’t do or follow the Bible’s instruction to the T, simply put, you’re being disobedient. Just like me, on day you will have some consequences for that. I am a living testimony that in doing these things above you will be putting on the full armor of God and be able to effectively fight off Satan’s temptations with success. But if you do like I have done for 42 years and only wear the helmet and no breastplate you leave yourself vulnerable to Satan’s attack and you will eventually lose the fight!

Prayer

Lord God, help me to maintain strength and courage to stand for you in the face of my temptations.

Thoughts: 
Every day when you wake up make it a priority in your life to do these four things: read, pray, turn from sin, and surround yourself with people doing the same. By doing these things you will be ready to do battle with Satan and all his angels, whom I promise are coming to devour and kill you. Be ready.

Journal 4-30-14

EPHESIANS 1:7-8 – In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
ROMANS 6:23; 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9; GALATIANS 2:21

       “For my power is made perfect in weakness.” To me that is very powerful. I’ve asked myself many times why God had to sacrifice His son, let Him suffer, for the sake of so many undeserving people. I mean, He’s God, He could have done anything He wanted and saved His son the misery. I know if someone started to tell me they were going to put my son or loved one through hell I’d be ready to fight! But God just says, yeah sure, let’s kill Him, hang Him on the cross, and watch Him suffer. That seems so weak to me for a father to do that. Can you imagine loving a people so much that you would sooner see the death of your perfect child as to millions of undeserving people?  I cannot! But we are saved because of His perfect love. His power is made perfect in weakness.

Prayer

Jesus, thank you for paying for my sin debt. Help me to share your love with all the people I bump into.

Thoughts: 
God loves us more than my mind can fathom, or understand. We should want to be obedient to Him not lean on our own insights and try to spread that love, His love, throughout our families, friends, communities, states, nations, and on to the world because we all are His chosen people if we accept His free gift of salvation.

Journal 4-29-14

PSALM 7:8 – The Lord judges the peoples; vindicate me Lord, according to my righteousness and my integrity.
PSALM 1; 92:12-15; ROMANS 1:16-18

       All through the Bible Jesus uses parables to explain life situations. They are analogies that we can apply to our very own lives. I notice that throughout time people of all kinds have dealt with the same life struggles that we all face today and Jesus is there for us always. Most of us go through life not knowing that and relying on our own good judgment or intentions to get us through the day and through each new problem we face in life. I know many times in my own life I have said “God help” but today I question if He ever heard me because I really wasn’t pursuing Him. My real intentions in life were selfish and filled with desires of this world like sex, drugs, money, and all kinds of things that I have let be priority in my life – hunting, fishing, work, social status, etc. I see today that these have all been idols, my own golden statues, that I have worshipped and Satan has used to deceive me. Some of these can be very healthy things for a man, but nothing works out successful unless God is truly your priority and at the top of the list.
       So not to ramble but if I use a parable in my own life like a football game or soccer game I notice that there will always be set backs, or fumbles, or someone is going to trip us up somewhere in the game. In life, I hope I have taken time to prepare myself with the proper training like Bible reading, prayer, or the ability to get up after a fall and keep a good heart, to not point fingers for my own problems. I hope that in my pursuit of Jesus, I cannot just read but instill all the values and morals that He wants for me and put those to work in my own life, because that’s what really counts. Not just knowing but applying that information just the way Jesus laid it out for us in the Bible. I don’t think God will give us credit for just knowing what to do. As I’m sure Satan also knows and “his future is so bright. I’m sure he is going to need shades where he is going.” Lol That was kind of funny.

Prayer

Father, judge me according to my righteous competing today. And may I be found not guilty of any sin.

Thoughts:
 Let’s try to have earnest intentions in life and work at readying ourselves for trials so when things get tough we can be looked upon with a smile by our father and know that He is smiling. What child doesn’t want approval from their parents? I remember that to be a wonderful feeling!

Journal 4-28-14

ACTS 2:44 – Now all the believers were together and had everything in common.
ROMANS 12:3-8; 1 CORINTHIANS 16:13-14; PHILIPPIANS 2:1-11

       In these scriptures, I see how important the church’s individuals are and how coming together, each with their own personality and talent, they form a team. Just like in football you have many different positions coming together to form a union striving for the same goal, to win the race or to win souls. These scriptures talk much about dying to self and the way you should treat people. A lot of times in my life I thought I was loving people but because I didn’t know the Lord I see that I wasn’t truly loving them the way I could have, had I had the Holy Spirit dwelling in my life. I feel like such a fool! I think of all the people I’ve done an injustice and didn’t mean to. Right now I think of the 6 most beautiful people in my life whom I’ve let down and forsaken. Angela, Mia, Zarria, Savanah, Faith, Hunter! God please forgive me for not having the sense and ability to love them properly.

Prayer

Lord, give me toward friends who desire to follow and serve you. Please unit us in our love for you.

Thoughts: 
We need to play on a team in life with Christians who have a heart for the Lord and know what it really means to love one another and support the cause for Jesus Christ!

Journal 4-27-14

ACTS 2:47 – Praising God and having favor with all the people and every day the Lord added to them those who were being saved.
JOHN 3:16; 6:47; 14:6

       In Acts 2:47 or Acts 2:42-47 we see that God originally set up His apostles like the foundation of modern day churches and the small groups within our churches. I think I can and should structure my life the same way. Bringing together friends and family for the breaking of bread “meal-time”, fellowship, praise, and accountability. For the sole purpose of bringing people to Christ and surrounding myself with people who also have the heart to follow Christ. This creates a security blanket for everyone and brings joy to the cause. It’s the basis for which God’s community grows. In John it tells us that the only way to enter the kingdom is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This being the obvious and knowing that sin in our lives tears down any communication we have with Christ! It just makes sense to surround ourselves and encourage ourselves with people like ourselves!

Prayer

Lord, help me to live my life in a way that reflects my goal of spending eternity with you.

Thoughts: 

Let’s quit making life harder than it is and go for it all! Let’s build a network of people to surround ourselves with that won’t encourage sin in our lives but push the almighty love of Jesus Christ in our face. The more good influence we have in our life the easier this life as a believer will be for someone who already has had a good taste of the world! We must learn to hate the sin of the world and pursue things that will build our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Brandon Ledford's Testimony

       My name is Brandon Ledford. I'm 29 currently, until this June when I'll be blessed with another birthday. I was born and raised in Kansas City, Missouri and have currently been locked up for the last 14 years. I have until September of next year for a total of 15 1/2 years until once again I'll be anointed with my freedom. I was incarcerated at a very early age, so needless to say I've never had the chance to own my own car, house, ext. I'm excited, nervous, and very curious to see how life will be when I return to society. Truthfully, the feeling reminds me of something kind of like standing in line to ride a roller coaster for the first time. I'm excited and yet nervous at the same time.
       I've never been married and have no children. I've never even seen a title that belongs to a vehicle before. I continue to tell myself "lean on God and not my own understanding, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". All I can do is every day strive to be the best man I can be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I continually pray for wisdom and knowledge to lead and guide God's people like Solomon was. I pray for faith as strong as Abraham's, to be a man after God's own heart like David. In doing so, I know there is no way I can worry about what the world has to offer, good or bad.
       I'm sure you are probably curious as to why I'm incarcerated. Hmm...where to begin. I wasn't always the man that I am today. Once upon a time, growing up in the streets of Kansas City, I was gangsta. I was a very dangerous man... I got involved in the gang life at an early age, not because life was all bad, even though more times than not it was definitely rough growing up in the hood; however, I was drawn to that lifestyle because of the riches and fame. By the age of 15, I was a full fledged stick up kid, pulling robberies left and right to finance the set, as it cost money to fund wars. Different cliques within the set were for different things. Some hustlers, some gunners, others stick up kids - That was me. We robbed stores, drug dealers, other gangsta's and at first it was a rush I became addicted to. Then one day it was just another part of my day like eating breakfast or getting dressed. Jewelry stores were being hit like crazy and millions of dollars in diamonds and cash were being transported to Vancouver Canada from Kansas City to be re-cut, crushed, and re-sold once again. How much did I make? Not nearly enough for me to give away this much of my life. However, whatever we had we returned to Kansas City with 2-3rds street value of what it was originally worth. This money financed drugs, guns, lawyers, so on and so on and then we each had our own cut of course.
       Fast forward a few years ahead to July 2nd. There were sirens everywhere and guns drawn at the end of what was an "extreme" high speed chase. I was at the end of the road. By the end of that night, I was sitting in a cold, dark jail cell that smelled really bad for a $500,000 jewelry heist. This didn't faze me true to the streets. I'd been in situations like this before, for it all to be over eventually, but not this time. In the other room, men were telling the detectives every thing they wanted to know. Hours later the detectives were celebrating with one another for finally solving this "high profile case". "We got you now, Mr. Ledford," they said and still I was so dark and bitter that all I could think of was how I was going to beat this case. At the first court date the judge offered 4 life sentences like it was candy.
       Years later still fighting the case, I was sitting in a cell during 23 hour lock down for just being crazy. I was fighting everything walking, C.O.'s, inmates, God, everyone. Then one day it hit me. I'm sitting in a prison within a prison, all for what? The hood? What did I ever get out of it other than homies dying and me in and out of jail and now facing so much time that I would die in prison. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was looking out of my window inside of my jail cell at the night sky as it blanketed Kansas City and prayed, I mean really prayed for the first time. For the first time in a long time I actually felt emotions other than the dark ones I'd always felt. I prayed, "God if you're real show up and show out. I'll give you one chance, show me what you can do." I'd like to say that instantly things changed and I had my "halo" but nope, things didn't change that drastically. Transformation came but not instantly.
       I was jumped off the set in 2006 and 3 days later I joined God's army. I was given a 12 year sentence which ran consecutive of a 5 year one and everyday God has shown up and showed out. There are days the devil tempts me with the whole land as he did Jesus in Matthew 4 and like Him I can only bow down to God himself. Along the path I've met beautiful people, agents of the cross who share the "great commission" with me who are true blessings. There wouldn't be enough paper in the world to tell you of His grace that He has shown me. That is my story in a "nut shell".
       Today I am washed in the blood of the Lamb. I still fall short of His glory, but I am a better man because of God in my life. Every day I strive to be a better man than yesterday and sometimes it's a battle, but it is always a war that's won. By His grace I've achieved a GED and I am going to school for building cabinets and modern wooden furniture. I'll be attending college once I get out and if it is His will, opening my own business.
     

Journal 4-26-14

       Today I am thinking about my future. I am thinking about what I will do when I get out of prison. Philippians 4:19 says “but my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Jesus Christ.” Philippians 4:6-7 says “Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.”
       May 2nd I will be going home. That is a bit of a nerve-wracking thought. I will be staring over again. I’ve done it many times and it always brings a bit of anxiety to the table. Today I am sitting here trying to think on what it is that God wants me to learn. What direction He wants me to go. I don’t want to make any more mistakes. I don’t want to have to do this again. My mind is cluttered with distraction today. I can only imagine what it will be like when I get out: work, parole officer, extra classes, kids, all the responsibilities of life come crashing down on you! And this is the day we all wait for. With all of its excitement it brings with it anxiety as well. The one thing that I have is the Bible, God’s word, to give me encouragement. I have a book of God’s promises in my hand and I can just read the scriptures and feel the comfort that they bring. That is one thing I have never had before, comfort in God’s word. It’s healing to me.
       In John 14:18 it says “I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you.” Many times before, I have not been able to receive comfort in God’s word. Why? Because I wasn’t living right. I did not have the blessings I have today. I know today that I must align myself with God’s word to receive His comfort and blessings. Sometimes that’s hard and takes a while but He is faithful to show His mercy if we seek His face. It says in Jeremiah 31:3, “Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with loving kindness I have drawn them unto me.”

Prayer

Father God, I pray that you continue to draw me near, hear my prayers, and go before me Lord preparing the way.

Thoughts:
Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the most high, and call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you and you shall glorify me (Psalm 50:14-15). Thank you Father.

Journal 4-25-14 (Zarria's testimony)

       Today is Friday the 25th. I am sitting in my cell reading a letter that my daughter wrote to me and it shows just how good God really is. I am proud of her and her accomplishments. I am excited about what God is doing in her life and the testimony He is building for her. I thought it would be important to share this testimony on her behalf. She is a very big part of this ministry and I am excited to watch her grow. Let me show you a copy of part of the letter she wrote.

“Today I went to chapel with Nick at JBU. The speaker was one of my old professors and he talked about how he had lived his life for himself for so long, trying to become an extreme sports athlete but never felt fulfilled. Finally when life had knocked him around enough he fell to his knees and cried out to God. He said that day his life became lost as He found Christ and he doesn’t live for himself anymore but daily lives for Christ. He loses himself, his life, to that of Christ. He’s a surfer from California who ended up in Northwest Arkansas as a professor. He said that is all by God..because obviously he would have never chosen that path. When I took his class he encouraged us to lose ourselves to Christ, to not worry about our plans but His. Although we never talked about it, he was one of the main people who influenced me to drop out of JBU and take online courses. Taking his class showed me there was no way I could be a full time student on campus and serve God the way I wanted to because I am not wired like that. I would have always put school first, before God, before family, before everything. One day during my quiet time, God said “would you quit school if I asked you to.” My response was a very adamant no. I was astounded at myself for not putting Him first and realizing that I would say no to what my savior asked me to do, even though I know He has my best interest at heart.
  I pushed it aside for a month, but eventually it ate away at me. I had to confront my problem and figure out how to solve it. I didn’t actually think He would ask me to leave JBU, but He did. He showed me my true self, and I would have never given Him my all at this moment in my life unless I made the switch. He said, “Yes, you love me now, but do you spend time with me? Do you love those nearest to you the way I have called you to love them? Do you serve others? Do you make an impact for my kingdom? I want you to serve me now, to do my kingdom work now, not later when you think you will be ready or have more time.” I was pretty scared making such a huge decision. School has been pretty much everything to me my whole life. I was good at it, it provided security, stability, and made me feel like I was doing something right even though I didn’t really know what that was lol I knew I would get many strange looks when I announced to people that I, the valedictorian of my high school class and 4.0 student at John Brown would be dropping out to switch to online courses lol I would face the disappointing looks and condemning voices of the people closest to me. I was scared. I didn’t want people to think less of me, to disapprove of my life choices, to see me as a failure.
  God said “I am asking you to do something so small. I have asked my followers to do much more than this. Their families betrayed them, they were tortured physically; you only have to switch your schooling. I know it will be uncomfortable, but I am worth it.” So I went for it. He told me He had ways He wanted me to get involved in His work, but I had no idea what He wanted from me. I felt like there was something good I was to be a part of but I had no idea what. I saw nothing in my foreseeable future that would give me the opportunity to really be a part of something that great. I begged to know what it was, I pleaded for Him to just tell me what it was so I would know and I wouldn’t feel so foolish about switching schools. He reminded me that I am switching schools because of my inability to put Him first in my life and that He doesn’t give us all the answers right away. He said to simply obey Him, to practice faith and trust Him with my life. He wanted obedience from me to make this decision without knowing exactly how it would all play out. Scared, exhilarated, frightened, and liberated I made the decision to not return to JBU and enrolled in classes at an online university.
  When you asked me to help you with your ministry, I was elated and knew this is what God had planned for me to work on. I thought God would provide a way for me to work with kids, specifically kids from bad home lives, but no, He brought me into your ministry focused on prison inmates and hurting fathers and mothers. I had trusted that if He brought me nothing else to work on, no special ministry to work with, I would still have made the right choice. By the time I was confident in that, you sent me all of your stuff! Isn’t that amazing? Every day I’m thankful I made the switch, not only because my life has been so much better (I guess He really did know what was best for me) but also because I get to help you with this. I know the work we are doing may seem small now, but I’m so excited about it and so excited about where God is taking you and your dreams. I literally dance with joy every time I get a call from an inmate, receive letters from them, send out a handful of journals, or someone messages me or likes your posts. I know it is the work of the Holy Spirit in me because I alone could not be this overjoyed lol I genuinely love these men we send the journals to, I pray for each of them, and I feel interested in each of their lives – that is the Holy Spirit! How else could I care for these people I have never even met?!
  So, I guess I’m proof God knows what He is doing :) I took the leap of faith, even though it may seem like something so small to others, it was huge for me. I altered my future to serve my Lord and Savior and be ready for Him to use me each and every day and my life has been incredible ever since. So, thank you. Thank you for asking me to be a part of this. It is something I never saw myself doing, but it is exactly what God wanted me to be doing and He has moved in my heart to genuinely love this work and these people.”

Prayer

It is my constant thought, Father God, that you might command your angels to guard my daughter Zarria and her husband Nick like it says in Psalms 91:4 and that righteousness might go before them preparing the way. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:
2 Chronicles 31:21 – And in every work that he began in the service of the house of God, and in the law, and in the commandments, to seek his God, he did it with all his heart and prospered.

Journal 4-24-14

       I am a very blessed man. I found out today that I will be getting out next Friday. That should be May 2nd. There are a lot of things that I thought about when I was told. I felt excitement, fear, and anxiety. Everybody wants to go home, to be free, and to be with their loved ones. Now my security blanket is going to have to change. I have built around me a safety net, a network of brothers who are God fearing men and looking out for one another. We can become sheltered in here from life and the real world. It’s easy to manage my life in here. Now I will have to learn to manage my life out there where the distractions will be different.
       I want to let everyone know that part of my accountability to God, to myself, and to you is to continue writing journals, posting them on the internet, and sending them to you all in prison. I hope that you will continue to help me recruit more names to send these journals to. It is motivation to me to see the work of God grow. It is the only thing in my life I have ever been a part of that felt successful. It is medicine for my soul. If it does anything at all, it allows me to be responsible for something that I feel can’t stop. I feel I owe it to people to continue and I know that in order for it to be successful I must stay close to the Lord.
       This paragraph comes to mind – John 15:1-11 “I am the true vine, and my father the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you, abide in me and I in you, as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine. Neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers, and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned. If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you, by this my father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the father has loved me, so have I loved you, abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be full.”

Prayer

I pray Father God that we all know what it is to abide in you, to have the strength to carry that out and to glorify you in that. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:
The only time I do well is when I “feed off of the vine”. That is when I have had peace in my life. The only peace I have ever had! What about you?

Journal 4-23-14

       You know one of the most common things you hear meth addicts complain about is everybody is always being watched. It makes people paranoid. You know the deal, “everybody is the police” lol. Well maybe that’s why we make such good Christians because after we are saved we are always under surveillance. I notice that when I begin going to church and speaking on matters of integrity, people notice and then they sit back and watch (surveillance). They wait for me to slip up. They may even throw out some bait for me to nibble on. Even if they want good for me, some people want me to slip up and take the bait to make themselves feel better about something they are doing.
       Several times in my life I have tried to get right with God and failed because I had stipulations. For example, I would say I’m going to still smoke pot Lord even if you tell me not to, or I’m still going to live in sin with my girl and I’m still going to hustle a bit to make extra cash, and on and on. Well I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t work that way! You ever wondered why A.A. says “Half measures availed us nothing” in the Big Book? It’s because it is a spiritual program and God is our higher power and He doesn’t compromise His law. It is His way or the highway straight to hell.
       So to all of my friends who are looking for God and trying to “get right”, when we truly  truly give ourselves over to Christ 100%, our identity is no longer in the things of old but in Christ. Isaiah 43:18-19 says “Remember not the former things nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing now, it springs forth. Do you perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert for my chosen people to drink on.” We are His chosen people. The circles we find ourselves in without Christ are the wilderness. You ever sat in a living room with a bowl being passed around, or drove really fast while drunk, running from the police, or been shot at, or found yourself in a sexually immoral situation with a few other people? If so, welcome to the wilderness. When we are saved we lose the desire to indulge in those things because Christ takes residence in us. That doesn’t mean we won’t be tempted with these things. We are slowly transformed after we are saved by a renewal of the mind.
       Romans 12 “Present yourselves as a living sacrifice (that means don’t indulge in those things that we know are sinful), holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship (that means the act of denying the flesh those sinful desires will be pleasing to God – spiritual worship). Do not be conformed to this world (don’t take Satan’s bait) but be transformed by the renewal of your mind (read, pray, turn from sin, surround yourselves with people doing the same) that by testing (God let Job be tested by Satan) you may discern what the will of God is, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Renewal of the mind will come to you as you spend time in God’s word, pray, and live right. There is freedom in Christ, freedom from the strong holds in our lives, freedom from the pain, freedom from fear, freedom from everything that makes us crazy. I am a very strong willed man and most are strong willed people, but through submission to Christ we can learn to let go of that strong will and learn to trust Christ. That is what faith is – trusting something we have never seen. That is what will get us into heaven – trust and believe. You ever heard that? Lamentations 3:24-26 says “I say to myself, the Lord is everything I will ever need. So I put my hope (trust) in Him. The Lord is good to those who put their hope in Him (that’s what we want). He is good to those who look to Him (that’s what He wants). It is good when people wait quietly for the Lord to save them.”
       Now when we are saved and give ourselves to Christ He gives us power and confidence. 2 Timothy 1:7-8 says “God did not give us a spirit that makes us weak and fearful. He gave us a spirit that gives us power and love. It helps us control ourselves. So don’t be ashamed to give witness about our Lord and don’t be ashamed of me, His prisoner. Instead join me as I suffer for the good news. God’s power will help us to do that.” That is every Christian’s testimony: What God’s power is doing in their lives – His power is made perfect in our weakness. He is what our standard needs to be because His power is perfect, never failing, trustworthy. Not anybody or anything else should be our standard. Not sex, drugs, money, people, things, nothing. Lamentations 3:40 says, “Let us test and examine our ways and return to the Lord.” Return to the Lord, why? Because He is our Savior, our God, our Redeemer, our standard, our guide.
       I’ve always heard lead by example. Do we want our children to follow our lead? Are we going to live a life looking for God or peeking out the windows looking for meth-monsters or the police? Because we are under surveillance. Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest.” Are you tired of going to prison, dealing with fear, rejection, loss, and depression? Tired of the circumstances in your life? Give Christ a chance and see what happens. He’s changed my life 10 fold in just 7 months. It’s amazing.

Prayer

O Lord, I call upon you, hasten to me! Give ear to my voice when I call to you. Let my prayer be counted as incense before you and the lifting up of my hands as sacrifice.

Journal 4-22-14

PROVERBS 29:25 – “The fear of a man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

  Luke 19:1-10 tells a story of a man named Zacchaeus, a short Jewish tax collector who climbed a tree and swallowed his pride to see a man called Jesus. I guess that would be like the governor of the state climbing a tree and getting to see Jesus. Most people worry too much about what man thinks about them to give it all to the Lord. Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus but the crowd of people was in his way, but he wanted to see Him so badly that he let go of his pride and climbed a tree. Jesus told him that today “Zacchaeus, salvation has come to your house today. You have demonstrated the same kind of faith as your ancestor, Abraham.” The crowd has been in my way before too. How about you? Sometimes it is pride, sometimes fear, wealth, or just a sin that I like to indulge in like sex or drugs. Either way these sins in our life keep us from the Father. Whatever the case may be, faith won’t let a person not come to Jesus. Wherever there is a desire to follow God, He will make a way! Just like He did for Zacchaeus by planting a tree in that field. It is the doubt in our life that sees the reasons why we can’t see Jesus, but the faith that finds the trees to climb. Doubt sees obstacles, faith finds a way.
  Most tax collectors of that day and age were known for cheating people and being selfish and were not liked for those reasons. Zacchaeus admitted he was a sinner, he wanted to see Jesus. He laid down his pride and what people thought. He was noticed for that by Jesus and on that day was saved because of his heart, his faith, and his efforts to make right what he had done wrong. All people are lost by nature, most are not willingly open minded enough to admit it. The unwillingness in their life cuts them off from the salvation Jesus has for them. Only the ones who know they are lost and admit that can be saved.
  I believe that in this story, per my study notes, that this was Christ’s last visit to Jericho. He was on His way to Jerusalem to die on the cross. Suppose Zacchaeus had missed this opportunity to see Christ! Would he have been saved? We never know when our last chance is going to be either. So we should listen to the call of God next time God puts it on our heart to receive Him, walk to the alter, hit our knees, or climb a tree. 2 Corinthians 6:2 says, “In a favorable time I listened to you, and in a day of salvation I helped you.” Behold now is the favorable time and now is the day of salvation. What are you waiting for? We may never see tomorrow and on that day that tomorrow never comes again, it will be too late!

Prayer

I pray Lord that you help us to see the light and lay down our sins and worldly desires to serve you with a whole heart. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 
2 Corinthians 16-18 – “For we are the temple of the living God, he said I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing. Then I will welcome you and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me says the Lord almighty.” To me that says do right, live by example, be proud of your faith. Don’t let man waiver you and God will honor that just like He did for Zacchaeus!

Journal 4-21-14

1 CHRONICLES 29: 10-13 – “Blessed are you, O Lord, the God of Israel our Father, forever and ever. Yours O Lord is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name.”

This morning I just feel like it’s time to praise God, to thank Him, to ask Him what I can do for Him today. He has done so much for me and for so long. When I got out of bed this morning at about 5:00 a.m. after count I instantly hit my knees and started to pray. I woke up with a heart to serve God. I asked Him what I could do to serve Him today! He brought my attention to 1 Chronicles 28 and 29. God has something planned for me. He has something planned for all of us. It’s clear to me that we need to find out what that is. I’ve spent so much time in my life trying to make money and get stuff so I could look and feel successful that I never gave much thought to these things: 1) Everything is God’s and comes through Him anyway 2) God wants us to have success and stuff 3) His plan for our life is going to be much more successful than ours.
       1 Chronicles 29:23 says, “Then Solomon sat on the throne of the Lord as king in place of David his father and he prospered, and all Israel obeyed him, all the leaders and the mighty men, and also all the sons of David (his brothers) pledged their allegiance to king Solomon. And the Lord made Solomon very great in the sight of all Israel and bestowed on him such royal majesty as had not been on any king before him in Israel.” This is what happens to people all through the Bible that honor God, keep his heart with them, trust in Him, listen to Him, and are obedient to Him. Why should I doubt that I am any different? Doesn’t God love me the same as any man? Doesn’t He love you the same as any man? It just makes sense to me today to follow the things of God! Read the darn book and listen to it.
       I don’t know how many times I’ve cried out “God help me, why can’t I just have normalcy in my life, etc.” Well it’s because I only thought God was in control, but now I see Cody was still very much in charge. I think I was fooling myself and didn’t even know it! Like these people it talks about in 1 John 2:4, “Whoever says I know Him but does not keep His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him.”  I think we can become so independent and worldly that we miss out on all God has for us and don't even realize it. I’m certain that has happened in my life. Funny thing is I really believe God wants much more for me than I ever dreamed of for myself. He’s waiting for me to align myself with His kingdom so that I can receive the things He has planned for me. God sure created some hard headed creatures to hang out with lol.
       Anyway, the point I want to make is that to receive God’s will and all the goodies that come with that we have to give it all to Him. Don’t let yourself fall short of what He wants for your life because I’m sure it’s much better than anything your could ever desire anyway. Read, pray, turn from sin, and surround yourselves with people doing the same!

Prayer

Lord, please help keep me on track with your plan for my life. Grant us help against the foe for vain is the salvation of man. Hear my voice when I call O God, give ear to my prayer. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 
I am learning so much about what God wants for my life. It is a wonderful feeling to know you are on the right track. It all started 7 months ago when I hit my knees, opened my bible, and started making an effort to put a smile on His face! I jumped off the fence and landed right in His lap! Are you sitting on the fence? If so, you can trust that He will be there to catch you if you just take a leap of faith.

Journal 4-20-14

       Today is Easter Sunday. I have been in touch with God throughout the day. I was in church this morning and really felt the Lord move on me. I guess it is the goose bumps that let me know He’s there and to me the goose bumps mean He probably got close, walked by, or looked at me lol Does that sound crazy? It’s kind of like you can feel His presence from the inside out. Makes me wonder what a good feeling heaven will be like. It says in the Bible that we can call on the Holy Spirit and have that “funny feeling” whenever we want it. I haven’t learned how to do that yet. But I like it so well I would like to learn how. It also says that with the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains. All I want is a few goose bumps moved from time to time. Most of the time I get this feeling when in praise and worship with a bunch of people and a few times now I have had it while in conversation with some friends. I think that means God was there. It says that where two or more are gathered together in my name I will be there among them. I wonder what makes Him just show up and give people goose bumps. I have had them before at the same time as another man I was talking too while in conversations about the Lord. Do you think that is a coincidence that we both got goose bumps at the same time? I don’t! Ezekiel 36:27 says “and I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statues, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.”
  The more I read, pray, turn from sin, and surround myself with people doing the same, the more I feel the presence of God in my life. The Bible is coming alive to me and I believe it. It makes me love the Lord and also fear Him. I guess the reason why this is so dear to my heart is because for years I have ignored all the signs that have been there. I have neglected to see the truth and been lazy in my search to know God. It is easy for us to get busy and caught up with stuff that makes good sense to us but gives no favor to the kingdom of God. I know that there are a lot of people in this world that are experiencing a separation from God right now and I want them to know that God is real, powerful, loving, and just. He sent His son to die for us so that we could fellowship with Him. His son rose from the dead and one day we will too along with all our loved ones, friends, and people of this world. It is then that we will find out if we were doing the right thing in God’s eyes.
       Do you feel God sometimes? Have you ever? I know some people that have and right now they struggle. I want to remind you that I am a real guy with real issues. God can and will change your life too and help you with your real issues also. He’s waiting for you to turn from the sin in your life and receive His gift of salvation, peace, and a breath of fresh air. It is worth all the heartache you have to endure to get there. He’ll give you goose bumps too if you let Him .
  Lately, God has been beating it in to my head to “tell them I’m coming, there is not much time left”. I hope that everyone reading these journals understands that we all have a responsibility to listen to God and help the guys we know on the fence. The ones blinded and the ones who think they can do it without the Lord in their life. Lately my thoughts have been tuned to how real all of this is! It is not a joke and it is very important that we don’t lose sight of that. Angela, Zarria, Nick, Savanah, Faith, Hunter, Mia – “Are we sure we are ready for God if He comes today?”

Prayer

Father God, I pray that we all get ready and find the strength to turn from sin, serve you with our whole heart, and spread the word you have had heavy on my mind for some time now, “that you are on your way”. Your will be done Lord. Help me to carry that out. Amen

Thoughts:
2 Peter 3:18 – “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever.”
Psalm 1:3 – “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of the water that bringeth forth his fruit on his season; his leaf also shall not wither and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”
1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.”

Journal 4-19-14

       I learned something the other day about hell. God created hell for Satan and his fallen angels, not man. Also, the angels don’t get a second chance like we do. The blood of Jesus does not cover them. The blood of Jesus does cover man. I haven’t done all the research yet, but I think that is what Satan is so mad about. God made man above the angels and Satan is not happy about it. Matthew 25:31-46 says when the son of man comes in His glory He will separate all the nations of the world like a sheppard would his flock. He will put the sheep on the right side of him and the goats (sinners) on the left. Then He will say to those on His left, depart from me, you are cursed into the eternal fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. When they ask why He will tell them in (v.45) truly I say to you as you did not do good to them (your neighbor) you did not do good to me. Whatever you did to my people you did to me. And the people on the left, the proud, sexually immoral, evil, sorcerers, etc. He will tell them “Go away into eternal punishment and for those on the right you will receive eternal life” (v.46). 2 Peter 3:9-13 says “the Lord is not slow to fulfill His promises as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed.” Since all these things are thus to be dissolved, what sort of people ought you to be? Living lives of holiness and godliness, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be set on fire and dissolved, and the heavenly bodies will melt as they burn! But according to His promise we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells! “Therefore beloved, since you are waiting these things, be diligent to be found by him without blemish and at peace” (v.14).  

       Well I could go on but I won’t. Let me stop and ask, do you believe in God? If the answer is yes, then you must believe His word! That is where all of this comes from! So are we riding the fence, playing with fire, or are we certain that we live a life that is pleasing to God? I believe when we die our earthly body sleeps and our spirit or soul goes to be with our master, either God or Satan. If it happens to be Satan we will wait in hell with all feeling, senses, communication, sight, hearing, desire, and emotion until Jesus returns to take all His children home. Then all will receive their earthly bodies back with their spirit and be judged and separated. The righteous of the world will have eternal life with Jesus and the unrighteous will have hell to pay. Now that is how I understand it right now. I found proof of this stuff in Matthew 25:31-46; 2 Peter 3:9; Philippians 1:23; 2 Corinthians 5:6-10; and Luke 16:19-31 (must read). Look them up for yourself and see what you think. 

       The one thing that counts at the time of a man’s death is this: have you ever received the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior? John 1:12 says but to all who received Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John 3:16, 36 – “For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. Whoever believes in the son has eternal life; and whoever does not obey the son shall not see life, but will see the wrath of God” (v.36). It is more than just believing! I guarantee you that Satan believes and all his angels believe and all the unrighteous souls who are suffering in hell right now believe! Now if you say you believe then I say good. What are we doing to live our life in a manner that will be pleasing to God? Ecclesiastes 11:3 says “…where a tree falls there it will be.” To me that says when we die there is no second chance. Our destiny will be forever determined at that instant. Hell is prison for the unrighteous and there is no escape, ever!!  

To go to hades, there is nothing we have to do. To get out there is nothing we can do. Those of us who reject the savior on earth choose hades, along with those who neglect the Gospel, ride the fence, and say they can’t decide what to do. We should ask ourselves, where will we go when we die? Those of us that repent, are born again, make an effort to know God, and live a life that is pleasing to Him will spend eternity in heaven! Is all of that worth the worldly pleasures you have on earth? Those are only temporary and way over rated. It’s a choice God gives us. To live or die?!! 

Prayer

Father God, I pray for all the lost souls, the lazy people, and the ones who are on the fence. I pray for those of us who think there is still time! I pray Father God that you will touch the lives of my friends, family, and all who read these notes I have taken from your word. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 

My whole life I have never given much thought to where I would end up upon death. I thought I would go to heaven because I was an alright guy. As I read God’s word, I become enlightened as to just how lost I was and how risky my behavior has been. It is truly motivating to know for sure that I would have gone to hell if I continued to be naive and think that what I was doing wasn’t all that bad. I think it is good to love the Lord but also to respect Him. He is as deserving of our fear of Him as any child would fear their earthly father. His word is our guide. Don’t just let His word sit there without reading it. It explains everything. It is the roadmap to your true salvation. 

2 Peter 3:9-10 – The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare. 

Journal 4-18-19

Colossians 4:2-6 – Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison – that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak, walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

       I received some news yesterday that was exciting to me and as I think about my life, this verse sticks out this morning. I will be getting out of prison around the first of May or so. This morning I am thinking and praying about my release, my time here, how far I’ve come and the people I have met here.  As I read the verse above this stuck out: “…that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ.” And “…walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” As I look back on my conversations and my time here, God reveals to me that I have had many opportunities to share Christ with people. Savanah, people watch how we carry ourselves. They watch how we speak and what we do. My friends in prison, there are people listening to our conversations, men who desperately want to latch on and follow our lead, go to church, and get out of the misery they are in. I am trying to think back and recognize the mistakes I’ve made. Did I honor God in all that I did? No, I really fall short all the time. I do however have a desire to spread the news of Jesus Christ as much as possible and because we have taken that responsibility I feel it necessary for all of us to watch how we speak and act so that we don’t blow our testimony for another brother who needs the Lord and a good role model to follow to church. We all have a big responsibility to honor that and keep our minds sharp and in-tune with the Lord so we can be ready when someone comes at us with the questions we all have had about our Lord and Savior. I think God will bless us for that. It’s what helps us stay victorious in the kingdom.

Prayer

Father God, I pray that we all “continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving” and whatever we do, we do for the Lord and not for man. I pray that we will stay salty for your purpose Lord and that they will know we are Christians by our love. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:
Do we work for the world (Satan) or do we work for the Lord and our future in eternity? Philippians 1:27 says “only let your manner of life be worthy of the Gospel of Christ...finally brothers whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, or worthy of praise think on these things.”

Journal 4-17-14

Psalm 20:4-5 – “may He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners. May the lord fulfill all your petitions.”

       I find myself in prayer many times a day but once a week now I take time to sit in the quiet of the morning and really pray hard. My favorite time is when the sun is coming up. It reminds me that God has not left my side. I believe the sun coming up is its birth every day and Gods stamp, His personal signature to the world that He was the engineer of all things that die and then are reborn. To me, the setting of the sun represents death of a day and the sun rise represents being born again, rebirth, or resurrection. I see God’s signature everywhere I look. So likewise, I would pray to God diligently at least once a week. Sometimes I get busy in my prayer time writing or reading. So once a week I try to just sit and talk to God, listen, and think. It’s a good time for me. As I see God revealing things to me daily, I wonder why I never took time to be with God before. I guess the old saying “you don’t know what you are missing” would hold true in my case. I need to know God more intimately. I want that in my life. Sometimes I think that if I could be alone for 30 days with no distractions, I would sit in prayer all day long talking with God. I think that would be cool.
These things I am writing because I want you to know how important prayer and fellowship with God are. I used to only pray the “God help me” prayers but today it is much more than that. I like to just sit and talk to Him. He seems to be much more responsive that way. Wouldn’t you get tired of talking to people if all they ever did was complain and say God help me this one last time! Lol that man has got some patience. No wonder He flooded the world. God created man for fellowship with Him. He is our creator. Our God. The one who holds all of the cards for us. For most of my life I have neglected my life, my future, and my loved ones because I have taken for granted my purpose here on earth which is to fellowship with God and to love Him. I guess that it is something we learn after fighting the flesh till we are tired of fighting. Thank God He gave some of us common sense, sense enough to quit beating our heads against the wall and turn to Him the key holder to learn what it is we are to do.

Prayer

Thank you for choosing me to be your friend. I pray that you will continue to reveal your wonder to me and also to my family and friends. I pray that you will take time daily to get to know me a little bit better and that you forgive me for my behaviors for the first 42 years of my life.

Thoughts:
If you never spend any time with your parents will you know them very well? Would you still be close? Doesn’t God deserve a little time?

Journal 4-16-14

       I am sitting in my room this afternoon, watching a preview of the movie Noah. I wish I was a free man and could go see the movie. It looks like a movie I would like. I wonder if the man who directed the movie is a Christian and tried to keep it realistic and God glorifying. Who knows? Either way I would still like to see the movie.
       In Genesis 6:13 God said “I have determined to make an end to all flesh” then He gave Noah instruction to build an ark. In verse 17, God said for behold, I will bring a flood or waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh in which is the breadth of life under heaven. Everything that is on the earth shall die (verse 18) but I will establish my covenant with you (Noah) and you shall come into the ark, you, your sons, your wife, and your sons wives with you. Can you imagine what Noah might have felt like when God told him that He would spare him and his family? In reading this story I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity that I have with Jesus Christ. Without Jesus Christ in our lives we will one day die and die forever. Because I know that I have not lived a life as obedient to God as Noah, He would have drowned me for sure. I have often taken for granted my salvation and I am afraid that I’m not the only one. I feel so lucky to have a “savior”, a “life line”, an ark to rescue my soul. Thank you Jesus for your saving grace because without you I would surely die.
       1 John 2:1-2 – my little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the father, Jesus Christ the righteous: and He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. What does that mean for us Hunter? That means that we must be born again. For real. You were born of water with your worldly mother but in order for all of us to get to heaven and saved from the wrath of God like Noah’s family, we need a savior, an ark. That ark is Jesus Christ and the way we get to Him is by being born again, our second birth, birth of the Spirit. That’s what happens when we ask God to come and live inside of us. It is what happens when we begin to live for God. If any man be in Christ he is a new creation; old things have passed away behold all things are new (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Prayer

Father God, I pray that my friends and family know that they are saved and if they have doubt I pray that they get rid of it and I pray Father God that they might be born again and know what that means.

Thoughts:
Amos 5:4 – For thus saith the Lord unto the house of Israel, “Seek me, and ye shall live…”
Revelation 12:11-12 – “And they have conquered him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore rejoice O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea for the devil has come down to you in great wrath because he knows that his time is short.”
       That means our time is short too! Do you have an ark in your life? Do you have a savior, the savior, the Lord Jesus Christ in your life? Have you been born again? If you are born once you will die twice. If you are born twice you will die once. Think about it.

Journal 4-15-14

I was reading a story yesterday about Judas one of Jesus’ very close followers. He sold Jesus out for a few pieces of silver. I asked myself how many times have I sold Jesus out in my own life. I am not sure but I know I am guilty. That just goes to show you how powerful our flesh is. Judas was a faithful follower of Jesus. He walked with Him, talked with Him, and saw many of the miracles that Jesus performed. He had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He knew who Jesus Christ was and what His purpose was, yet he still sold him out. He still turned his back on the man who was sent to die for him, to save him. I have begun to think about the reasons I, like Judas, have sold Jesus out. My reasons include lust, money, greed, pride, etc. What does this story tell me? That Satan is extremely crafty and bold and he wants you, Angela, Zarria, Nick, Savanah, Faith, Hunter, and Mia to take the bait he leaves for you so that you will be consumed with guilt and anger in your life. He wants to kill you and all the plans that God has for your life.

Ephesians 5:5 – For you may be sure of this that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetous, or an idolater, has no inheritance in the kingdom of God.

Colossians 3:5 – So put everything evil out of your life; sexual sin, immorality, letting sinful thoughts control you, and wanting things that are wrong, and don’t keep wanting more and more for yourself, which is the same as worshipping a false God.

              

         I want you to recognize the reason I always say read, pray, turn from sin, and surround yourselves with people doing the same. It gives us strength to resist the devil as he comes at us in angels clothing. He even had the nerve to tempt Jesus and promised him that if Jesus would bow to him he would give Him that which Jesus was already the heir to. So don’t think you are too good for temptation. We must be ready, with the full armor of God, to fight Satan when he attacks.  

Prayer

Hebrews 1:20 – Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Sheppard of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen

Thoughts:
Keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have, for He said “I will never leave you or forsake you.” So we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, what can man do to me.” (Hebrews 13:5-6). I don’t write this stuff; I just take it right out of the Bible - God’s word to us - His instruction manual.

BIBLE

Basic

Instruction

Before

Leaving

Earth

Journal 4-14-14

I want to tell you what happened to me yesterday and why it is so important to have good friends in Christ and a good church family. I have developed that in prison, a good church family. Most every conversation I engage in is about Christ and the kingdom, not the things that once entertained me. Savanah, Faith, Hunter, Mia – In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths (Proverbs 3:6). A man’s heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps (Proverbs 16:9). I have started to talk to the Lord about the direction I go and the things I do. Something happened the other day and I was a bit distorted and conflicted about the decision I needed to make. It had to do with a job, my release, and my life when I get out. Now right off the bat I went to the Lord with this decision. I was conflicted about what to do. I prayed on it for a couple of days, started developing some ideas about what would be God’s will for me and best for all parties involved. God told me in prayer that He would make a way and He would make it possible if it was of Him. Well, after conferring with my daughter and friend in Christ, I have pretty much decided that a trip to Colorado will be in order if God opens those doors. They are not opened yet but they will be if God wants me in Colorado. 

The reason I am sharing this story with you guys is this. People have never known me as the type to think about anything. I’ve always lived by the seat of my pants and I have probably set that example for my kids to follow. What I want for you to do is learn to pray about the decisions in your life and give God time to answer you. Look in the Bible and to other strong Christian brothers to hear God’s answer for you! When we read, pray, turn from sin, and surround ourselves with people doing the same we are setting ourselves up to receive the will of God. It says in Isaiah 42:16 “And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in the paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.” So Zarria, don’t worry, if God calls me to Colorado to work for a while and live He will make it right with my parole officer and all parties involved. If He wants me in Arkansas or Missouri He will open the doors and make a way for me. Sometimes God calls us to places that we may not want to be or we do not understand. Psalm 37:23 – The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he deligteth in his way. Psalm 73:23-24 – Nevertheless, I am continually with thee; thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. 

That is the goal isn’t it? To do God’s work, listen to Him, and follow His lead. Psalm 48:14 says “For this God is our God for ever and ever. He will be our guide even unto death.” 

Prayer

I pray Lord for your direction in my life. I pray that I will be an example to my children and show them by the way that I live how to be obedient to you and listen to your voice. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts: 

At this point nothing is set in stone and I am only praying about this decision. But one thing is for sure, God knows what is best for my life and I will follow His lead. Luke 12:32 says “Fear not, little flock; for it is your fathers good pleasure to give you to the kingdom.” I will not push anything but I will receive what God prepares for me.  

Journal 4-13-14

       It is raining this morning, it is Sunday, and I feel a little lonely. My cellie is snoring. The faucet in my cell is leaking and all I can think about is calling my family. I wish I could hold someone close. I miss that. I set down to have a quiet time and I cannot seem to get into it today. I miss my girlfriend. I miss my kids and I miss my work, I miss my life. It’s amazing to me how sin will change you and how it will cause you to take things for granted. There are a few things in this life that people need. God created us that way and sin pulls the wool over our eyes – I guess everybody will have these days- my thinker feels broke – usually that means I have something going on that I need to deal with. Loneliness, frustration, and fear come to mind today in my life. I am eager to get out and get things done. Maybe God wants me to take a chill pill and rest in Him. Usually when I feel this way it is because I have taken the wheel and I need to let Him do the driving. I know this about myself because we’ve been hanging out for 42 years, myself and I that is. Proverbs 14:12 says there is a way that seems right to man, but its end is the way of death. Today what seems right to me would be my family, my life back, my freedom. Psalm 60:11 says “the help of a man is useless” – man cannot be counted on to help a sinner in his need, man cannot save my soul. Only the Lord can do that.
So many times I have begun to feel this way in my life, lonely and discontent. It has been in those times that I have relied on the world to bring me up through work, family, or my social life. Some of those things could be viewed as healthy and some unhealthy. Whatever the case, they were a tool Satan used in the past to deceive me just like he did Eve in the garden 1000’s of years ago. Luke 10:25-37 tells a story about a Samaritan who did not leave a Jew, a stranger, a wounded man, to die on the side of the road like his own people had done and they were actually men of God in that day and age. In the same way the Samaritan helped this man, Jesus is there to help me today in my loneliness. The Lord will lead those who are saved into the fellowship of other believers, like church this morning in prison. If I was left alone today I would be in danger of falling into sin. But with the fellowship of other Christians I can be strengthened to live for God and not the world. Read, pray, turn from sin, and surround yourselves with people put in place to lift you up in the name of Jesus when you are down.

Prayer

Thank you Jesus for sharing that with me this morning. I love you man! Your will be done. Amen

Thoughts:
Jesus gives us strength each day and the promise that He will one day return to take us to be with Him forever. When that day gets here, none of us ever have to worry about feeling the way I do this morning. Until then, He gives us His word, His Holy Spirit, and the church family for fellowship and support. We want people to be there for us when we need help, but are we there for people when they need help? Do we “love our neighbors”? Luke 10:26 says “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” “Have a good day neighbor”

Journal 4-12-14

     This morning I am thinking about the innocent children in the world - the ones whose mothers and fathers are struggling in life and are having a hard time. I didn’t know what a big responsibility it was to have children until I had some, let them down, and got saved. Daily Jesus is shedding new light on my responsibilities as a father. I think at one point I actually thought all we had to do was make them (that’s the fun part), feed them, make them laugh, and watch them grow. It is so much more than that.
     Most of us didn’t have a good role model to follow. I know that I have made many mistakes with mine. I don’t think I ever thought I was making mistakes as a parent, but as my walk with Jesus progresses and we become closer as father and son should be I see that I have cheated my children out of something they deserved. Parents- I think it is not until we begin to live our lives for the Lord that we are able to see how important it is to have a perfect role model in our lives. Don’t we all deserve the best? Aren’t your kids deserving of the best? I’m not completely proud of how I’ve parented my children and the foundation that I have laid for them. My kids, Zarria, Nick, Savanah, Faith, Hunter, and Mia, they all deserve a father in their life who holds fast to the qualities of Jesus Christ. I am certain that is the best they can get. Now I know I will fall short of that and so will you but shouldn’t we, as parents, strive to give our kids the best leaders they can get? Don’t our kids deserve that? Who is your role model today? What foundation are you laying for your children today? Are we doing all we can do to model Jesus Christ in our lives today? I think my kids deserve that and yours probably do too.
     Psalm 78:1-8 – “Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark saying from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that He has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commands us fathers to teach to our children that the next generation might know them (the law and the testimonies) (and to) the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments; and they should not be like their fathers, (we should not be like our fathers) a stubborn and rebellious generation (I am guilty), a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.”
     Fathers – In Genesis 18:19 God says that “He has chosen us to command our children and our households, to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to us what He has promised!” In Deuteronomy 4:10 it says for us to gather all the people of the land and make it so that they all can hear God’s words – his words are – that they (all the people) may learn to fear me (God) all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children (and their children’s, children’s, children’s, children). I didn’t know these things, my responsibilities, as a father until recently. Question is, am I going to continue being stubborn and self-righteous all the while crippling my children and the future generations in my lineage or am I going to be obedient to my father and give my children the best of the best?

Prayer

Father God, help us Lord to keep our eyes on you so that through you we may bestow the richest blessings on the lives of our little children! Your will be done. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Thoughts: 
I have screwed up for several years as a father, but with the love and power of Jesus Christ in my life I am certain that I can correct the mistakes I have made with my kids and give them a fighting chance! I love you guys.

Journal 4-11-14

MALACHI 3:16-18; 4:1-6 – “Those who feared the Lord spoke with another. The Lord paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who feared the Lord and esteemed His name. They shall be mine, says the Lord of hosts, in the day when I make up my treasured possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his son who serves him. Then once more you shall see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between one who served God and one who does not serve Him.”
“For behold the day is coming, burning like an oven when all the arrogant and evil doers will be stubble. The day that is coming shall set them ablaze says the Lord of hosts, so that I will leave them neither root nor branch. But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall and you shall tread down the wicked for they will be ashes under the soles of your feet. On the day when I act, says the Lord of hosts, remember the law of my servant Moses, the statutes and rules that I commanded him at Hoveb for all Israel. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”

REVELATION 22:14-21 – “Blessed are those who wash their robes (yourselves, your skin, your sin) so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. I, Jesus, have sent my angel to testify to you about these things for the churches. I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star. The spirit and the bride say, ‘Come’ and let the one who hears say come, and let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price. I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book, and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book. He who testifies to these things says surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen

       I was having a conversation with a guy yesterday who said he believed in God and the Bible but he just couldn’t give it all to God. I have been in his shoes. I have said those words. Were they just words or did I really mean them? I may have meant them but I didn’t fear the Lord! Do you fear the Lord? Do you believe what the Bible says? If you are reading this you obviously read the few verses I wrote. I thought that the last few verses of the Old Testament and the last few verses of the New Testament had to go good together and I think they do. Just reading on Malachi, I know for sure I want to be serving  the Lord with my all when the day comes that He shows the world once again the distinction between the righteous and the wicked.
I see it like this: when I was a kid we used to gather all the kids from the neighborhood and play football. We would have team captains and pick one at a time the players on our team. When God calls all of us to play for Him who is He going to pick? Will it be you? If you think He will pick you, then you are doing everything you can to live your life according to His direction. You are giving it your all. You are daily working on your relationships with Jesus Christ. You are reading, praying, turning from sin, and surrounding yourself with people doing the same! Here is the fact of the matter. You get to decide who you play for. It is either the world (Satan’s team) or God (Jesus’ team). Everybody will play for one team or another. If you don’t read the Bible you may not know that the ball game has been bought already and Satan’s team, the “Hornets” will lose to God’s team, the “Angels”. That is information you might want to know before you pick your team. Are you taking steps in your life today to play for the Hornets or the Angels? I will choose God’s team because He will be victorious. If you read the Bible it will tell you exactly what is going to happen at kick off, at half time, right down to the very last play. As for me, I will see all of you who decide to play for the “Angels” at the “after party”.

Prayer

I pray Father, for the ones who claim to know you and believe in you! Give them a heart for you Lord, a desire to give you their all. Please help us to see the light and stay out of the darkness. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear, and wisdom to know when to run like hell when Satan comes at us! Amen

Thoughts: 
How many people do you know that would make the team if Jesus came home tomorrow? And what can we do to recruit the lost ones to our team? Fathers are we leading our families and our loved ones into a losing battle, a death trap, because we are trying to do it ourselves, because we are self-reliant and proud? Or are we leading our families into paradise and eternal life with our Lord and Savior?

Journal 4-10-14

JEREMIAH 29:11 – I know that the thoughts and plans the Lord has for me are thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give me hope in my final outcome.
HABAKKUK 2:3 – The things God plans won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, I do not despair, for the things will surely come to pass. I will just be patient. They will not be overdue a single day.
ROMANS 4:21 – I am fully satisfied and assured that God is able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He has promised me, because I have a divine destiny to fulfill.
JEREMIAH 29:14 – I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all nations and all places where I have driven you, declares the Lord and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you to exile.

  Everybody reading these may not feel like they are speaking directly to you but they are speaking directly to me. My whole attitude in life has changed and is changing daily. Every day I meet a new contact and hear some news that gives me proof that God has His hand on my life and for the first time ever in my life I feel like when God looks down on me from heaven He is smiling. Wow, what a good feeling!
  Anybody ever remember what it felt like to please your parents with something when you were a kid? Well, I feel like I just ran a touch down on the kickoff of the first play of a game and my father in heaven is jumping out of his seat on the sideline hollering “That’s my boy!”. That is a great feeling.  I can’t explain how I am not worried about anything at all, I mean nothing. I am more content than I have ever been. God has given me a peace that I never want to get rid of, a confidence I’ve never had, and a testimony to share. I have lived a life of self-will and often thought that I was following God.  Looking back, I don’t think I was following Him. I was lying to myself and I believed it. Something “weird” has happened to me and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I like it. I think this is what it feels like when you are born again! If you think the first time was good and you didn’t like the smack on the butt, you have to try being born of the spirit. It’s real good stuff!
  God is doing amazing things in my life today! All because I got on my knees in a jail cell in Clay County Missouri and gave it all to Him. I was tired of hurting and fighting the world.  I never understood what it meant to give my life to God. As I fall short daily, I am learning like a baby to walk again. The only difference is the Father in heaven is holding my hand and like every new born learning to walk, I feel safe when I can hold my daddy’s finger. If God can turn an empty space into a world, a galaxy, a living creation, He can fix the troubles in your life too :) Give Him a shot!

Prayer

Father God, thank you for sending your son to Earth to pay for my sins. And thank you for all you are doing in my life. I never knew it could be so good. In Jesus name, Amen

Thoughts:
 I can’t see them all today but all the plans I have discussed with you all lately are coming to pass. They are developing and I am excited. I’m going to continue riding shotgun because it appears God has done more for me in 5 or 6 months than I did for myself in 42 years. What’s your record look like?