I am happy to be alive today. There is a lot on my plate, but I’ve never felt better. Just a little over a year ago I was so disgusted with life and my circumstances that I was ready to die. I had a drug problem and no hope in my life. I was running scared, hiding from God and everything in my life. Man, I was a wreck. I remember that feeling. I was miserable with everything. That was just a few months ago, 10 or 20 or so! My outlook today is completely different. I have hope, ambition, and confidence. I have strength. What happened in my life that makes me so different today? Well, I’ll tell you. It took me getting arrested and thrown in jail to be still long enough to give God a fair chance.
I remember one day in my jail cell with the door closed and toilet paper over the window so everybody would leave me alone, kneeling at my bunk, thinking about my life and how careless I had been. I was tired of this crappy life I was living. Tired of the consequences, the running, the dishonesty, the paranoia, the drugs, the immoral living, the drama, the everything. That day I was ready to give up on everything and let God run the show 100%. I began to pray in my cell about everything I could think of. I tried not to leave anything out. I realized I needed God. I had no one and nothing to count on in jail. My job was lost, my possessions gone. My family wouldn’t answer my calls, because this wasn’t the first time this had happened. My kids couldn’t answer my calls because I didn’t know their number or address. My girlfriend quit answering the phone because she was mad that I got arrested. I had absolutely no one at all but God to lean on. That was the loneliest time of my life. I knew I was on my way to prison with no money or communication; with nothing from anybody.
God saved me that day. He came to my rescue. I called on Him on that day and He came to me. I didn’t know it at the time. There was nothing weird that happened, no goose bumps or feeling, just me giving it up, letting go. I had no one else. I had to rely on God. I don’t know why but believing that day that He would rescue me and deliver me through this very lonely time was all the hope I had. So I believed, I trusted, I prayed, and I waited. I prayed again and waited some more. Nothing really happened that day that I was physically or mentally conscious of but I just decided to continue that day after day, confident that God would show up one day. After a few weeks of prayer and meditation on God I realized there was one thing I was still holding on to. It was keeping me from giving it all to Him, a co-dependency. It was my girlfriend, my best friend, my life. I recognized this and told God that I wanted the best for my life and if He wanted her He could have her but I wouldn’t like it very much. I had finally given Him everything in my life that was important to me and rested solely on His strength to get me through this time in my life. It’s amazing what happened next. Almost immediately I began to have peace about everything and really had no reason to have any peace at all. That peace that God gave me became “addicting”. I wanted more, lol, just like always, so I continued to pray, read the Bible, and search for that feeling in my life.
Through this diligent meditation and seeking of God’s face, I am slowly and surely being transformed by a renewing of my mind. I am growing closer to the Holy Spirit each day. The more that I “give it up” for God the more He shows me what He is all about. I’m here to tell you He is an amazing God, worthy of all praise and if we “offer to God a sacrifice (turn from sin, spend time with Him) of thanksgiving, and perform our vows to the most high, and call upon Him in our day of trouble, He will deliver us (from those things in our lives that keep us from everything we’ve ever wanted) and through that we will glorify Him” (Psalm 50:14-15). It’s a win-win. He gets glory and we get our lives back. I’m not sure why I ever thought I could do it without Him.
Prayer
Father God, thank you for being true to your word, for being there for me when I had no one else. Help me Lord to stay close to you always and never forget that without you I am nothing. In Jesus name, amen
Do you just get up and go each day relying on your own ability to see you through the day? That is how I have done it for most of my life! It is much easier to give the first moments of your day to the Lord and let Him drive the car, in my experience.
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